Do you know those times when you have an amazing, awesome and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious idea to do? Something crazy that you want to share with a best friend who is as crazy as you are? Well, I had one of those moments today.
Disclaimer: I don’t want to offend anyone with this. The person in this text is someone I like a lot and I know we have grown apart the last months and I also know this is possibly my own fault. So this text is not about offending some individual, it’s about friendship and how you grow apart.
I had the possibility to get free tickets for a theater show (not the normal show you’d expect for someone like me) so I asked someone I really like a lot to come with me. I know she’d say yes…a year ago. And that’s a very hard part to process; the fact that someone, someone that you really, REALLY like and that you see as a best friend, has grown apart from you. You start feeling alone, because that person moved on in their life without you.
But normally that doesn’t matter a lot, right? Isn’t it normal that friends come and go? That you part ways? And you’re right. It should be normal. But not for an aromantic person. Whatever comes next, is my opinion on being aromantic. I don’t know if those words count for every aromantic person, but they certainly do for me.
As an aromantic person, your friends are all you have. They are as exclusive as a girlfriend or boybriend in a romantic relationship. Aromantic people doesn’t feel romantic attraction, they only have platonic and/or sexual attraction (which we won’t cover right here). The fact that they only have platonic attraction to people, makes that they form a very important bond with some persons. It’s a connection based on friendship, although the real, good platonic relationships go much further. So it’s like a lover, someone that you need by your side, someone you can relate on.
The fact that you see your best friend being best friends with someone else while declining your (oh, I really like this word!) supercalifragilisticexpialidocious idea (or just awesome, crazy and amazing) is just irritating. It’s making me, as an aromantic person, jealous in some way. And it’s killing me, because I don’t want to be jealous. I want her to be happy, and if that’s with another best friend, who am I to judge? But I can’t bear the fact that it is as it is. That I’m losing her as a best friend. Not as a friend, don’t take me wrong, but I’ve lost her as my best friend. And for someone like me, it’s hurting so much. I don’t know what I can do about it. I really don’t know…
So here I am, all alone while losing my best friend. And broken inside because that amazing friendship we had once, is almost completely gone. Yes we do some things together now, and I really like it. But the special bond we had is gone forever I suppose. I can’t fix it. It’s not possible I think. I’m glad we’re still friends, I really am. But the best part is missing. The part in which you can share anything. It’s gone. And it will never return. Let’s hope I can move on with my life now and find a new best friend, although I don’t think I’d find someone perfect for that soon…